Home Visitors: Let’s Talk Story

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“Talk Story” is a description of a speech style used frequently in Hawaii and other Pacific Islands.   The meaning behind it is to talk in a conversational manner rather than to teach or lecture someone. Talking Story means giving the family the opportunity to share as much of or as little of themselves as is comfortable.  For the home visitor, it means slowing down and listening – rather than always being the one asking questions and writing down answers. It means talking in a conversational style rather than asking questions like a researcher or teaching as if you were behind a podium.

Be professional.  When I use the phrase “Talk Story”, in relation to home visitors, I am adding a professional component to it.  As a home visitor, you are building a relationship with a family by your attitude and style.  But you are also in the home for more than just conversation.  You are there because your program has a mission and goals, and the children and families you visit somehow fit that mission and are appropriate for those goals.  So when a professional like you talks story, you are not only using it as a technique for building a relationship, but also as a teaching/training tool.

You may be paid to visit a family, but you are still a guest in the family’s home.   Use this opportunity wisely and Talk Story.  It can lessen fear, anxiety, anger and increase the beginnings of trust building.

Many people listen and learn better to a conversation or story than they do to a lecture or teaching.   Help put others and yourself at ease by being appropriately friendly and Talking Story.

Think back to trainings or workshops you have attended.  See if you can remember trainers who made you feel at ease, made you feel good about being in their session.  Now, think about what made you feel good.  Did the trainer acknowledge you? Smile at you with their eyes as well as their mouth?  Welcome you?  And what about their lecture and conversational style?  As a trainer myself, I know that it takes a very skillful trainer to stand up in front of participants, teach them, and make that teaching feel intimate, personal and friendly.  When expert trainers talk story, it’s more than just a conversation.  They get the training message (the information and learning) across to participants while using a conversational style.

Why am I telling you all this?  Because you are, in many ways, like those expert trainers.  You just do it one-to-one.  So your skill in talking story becomes even more important because lecturing and other didactic styles become even more obvious when there are only the two or three of you.  So practice talking story on home visits – you’ll find it gets easier and becomes more natural over time.
Warmly, Linda
The Babies Can’t Wait Lady 

 Talking Story
Lyrics & Music: Linda Kimura
Ho’o ho’o ka’a na maka
©2000

 “Talk Story, talk story, we’ll sit and just talk story
The waves may rise, the sun may fall
But you and I, we’ll have it all
Talking story, talking story
Talking story, talking story
Brothers and sisters talk story” 

“Oh Auntie left and waved good bye
Sitting up in that plane so high
What shall we do without her smile?
Remember and talk story
Talking story, talking story
Talking story, talking story
Sisters all talk story”

 Na Keiki run; Na Keiki play
And you and I we watch them
They shine so bright, the sun looks down
And sees us all talk story
Talking story, talking story
Talking story, talking story
Sees us all talk story”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Responsive Caregiving Supports Cognitive Development

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Responsive Caregiving with infants and toddlers means acting promptly in ways that relate to what they tell you,  in ways that help them with their needs, and in time.  Sometimes the way we respond at a center as a professional might be a little bit different than we respond at home to our own children. At work, we respond in the way that fits the program’s values.  At home, we respond to our own values.

Responsiveness is your verbal or non-verbal reaction to a child’s signals.   There are 3 elements to responsiveness: contingency, appropriateness and promptness.

Imagine you are outside in the cold rain.  You’re shivering.Your feet are getting very wet. You’ve missed your bus home. While you stand there shivering, a friend drives by. You wave and she sees you. She offers you a ride and gives you a nice warm blanket to cuddle in on the way to your house. How does she make you feel?

Your friend was contingent, appropriate and prompt:
Contingent:   She responded to your problem
Appropriate:  She helped you appropriately with your needs – gave you a blanket to get you dry and warm while she took you home.
Prompt – she responded as soon as she saw you.

Responsiveness gives children feelings of control and power (in other words, children learn they can have an effect on how things happen).   This encourages them to explore and interact with the environment and with caregivers and increases their confidence in solving problems.

For example, crying:
We used to think if we responded promptly to a crying baby, that would teach the baby to cry more in order to get a response from us. But two researchers, Ainsworth and Bell, tested this and found just the opposite.  They watched mothers and babies together during the 1st year of life.

They found, by the babies’ first birthdays, those babies whose mothers responded promptly to crying were babies who now actually cried less, not more. The babies learned their behavior had an effect on the world and they could control their environment in predictable ways. As they got older, the babies also learned the expressions on their faces, the gestures they made with their arms and legs, and other sounds they made also got them the same response as crying.

Responsive Caregiving also helps infants develop their cognitive skills. Researchers found babies whose mothers responded quickly to their crying learned about new things more quickly than children whose mothers let them cry for a while. Another study found children whose mothers were more responsive were able to solve problems better when they were 4 years old and scored higher on standardized intelligence tests than children whose mothers did not respond to them quickly when they were babies.

So, why does Responsive Caregiving have such an effect on learning?
Children feel a sense of power and control (i.e. competence in affecting their environment.
Children who experience success in getting their needs met may learn to focus their attention more efficiently.
Children feel secure in the attention and concern they get from the caregiver and, from this secure base, are more able to move out and explore and learn about their world.

Warmly, Linda
The Babies Can’t Wait Lady

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Sandwich Generation Worries

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These days, many adults are caring for children (or working with children) and also caring for (or watching out for) senior citizens such as older parents and grandparents.  We refer to this as “The Sandwich Generation”. And often senior citizens are taking care of young children in the home while parents work.  In addition, more and more senior citizens have permanent custody of their grandchildren due to parental problems.

Children and seniors are both vulnerable. When seniors care for children,  we need to be aware of both types of vulnerability.  One type of vulnerability in senior citizens is forgetfulness and memory loss.  When is this a problem? Here is some information from Harvard Medical School that may help you determine if and when to be concerned:


Recognizing and Discussing Memory Loss Episodes:
Normal aging: A person complains about memory loss and can provide details about the episode of forgetfulness.

More worrisome: The person will only complain about memory problems if you ask her about them, and can’t recll specific instances.

Worry about Memory Loss:
Normal aging: The person is more worried about the memory loss than her family members.
More worrisome: The person is much less concerned about her memory loss than her family members.

Losing the Way:
Normal aging: The person” sometimes pauses momentarily to remember the way.
More worrisome: The person gets lost in familiar territory while driving or walking and takes hours to return.

Word-Finding Problems:
Normal aging: The person has occasional trouble finding the right word
More worrisome: The person makes frequent word-finding pauses and substitutions (i.e. calling the telelphone “the ringer” or “that thing I use to call you”.)

Changes in Abilities and Social Skills:
Normal aging: The person is not eager or is unwilling to operate new devices or fumbles a bit with his or her cell phone or DVR.
More worrisome: The person has trouble operating common appliances like the dishwasher or has trouble using even simple new devices.  The person has lost interest in social activities or his/her social skills are in decline.

To read more about this topic, you can purchase “A Guide to Alzheimer’s Disease” from Harvard Health Publications, the publishing division of Harvard Medical School.

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Warmly, Linda, the Babies Can’t Wait Lady

Engaging Families: Your First Contact

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Excerpted from Linda’s book ”Babies Can’t Wait: Relationship-based home visiting”.

 

 

Now it’s your turn.  Pick up the ball and run with it: SMILE

Whether your first contact is by phone or a drop-by home visit, put a smile in your voice.

First, listen to yourself, or a friend, speak with a smile and without.  You will hear the difference.  If you have trouble speaking this way on the phone, practice by holding the corners of your mouth up while you talk.  It will force you to speak with a smile.

Don’t forget to put that smile in your eyes as well as in your voice.

Smile, Smile, Smile: Read the following quotations by Mother Teresa and Mark Twain:

“Smile at each other, smile at your wife, smile at your husband, smile at your children, smile at each other — it doesn’t matter who it is — and that will help you to grow up in greater love for each other.”     Mother Teresa

“Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.”  Mark Twain

And the following quotations by unknown, and very thoughtful, sources:

“A smile is a light in the window of the soul indicating that the heart is at home.”
“A winning smile makes winners of us all.”
“It takes 26 muscles to smile, and 62 muscles to frown.”
“Smile; it the second best thing one can do with one’s lips.”

Practice:
Imagine that you are a family member receiving a first phone call from you.
What do you hope the staff will do or say to you?
How do you feel? (as a parent in that family)
What questions do you have? (as a parent in that family)

Pay attention to staff you consider very engaging in your program.
What do they do or say that helps them engage families?

Imagine that you are an outside consultant, who knows nothing about your program and has been sent in to review your program for compliance
Watch staff and parents for engagement signs
What did you learn about the program? (as an outside consultant
What questions do you have for the staff? (as an outside consultant)

To purchase Linda’s book, click HERE for brochure and cost information

For more information or to schedule a program consultation,

click HERE to contact Linda Kimura, the Babies Can’t Wait Lady.


 

Engaging Families: Part Two

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Excerpted from Linda’s book “Babies Can’t Wait: Relationship-based home visiting”.

After you have updated your resources, train your sources!

 Schedule time to train/retrain your sources.  Even if they say they have been trained, insist (respectfully of course) on training them again.  Your sources may be working in other organizations. Although they will do their best to portray your program accurately, their descriptions may drift over time.   This is only natural, because they are trained to work within the philosophy and protocols of their organization.  Even within your own agency, recruiters who support all agency programs may understand some programs better than others.

The most effective training will be a group event that you sponsor (providing them with snacks or lunch of course).  This method works best because participants can learn not only from their questions, but also from the discussion and questions of others.

If a group event is not possible for some or all, don’t give up – go to the sources and train them individually.

Before you train (either individually or group), prepare, prepare, prepare.  Plan an enthusiastic presentation that acknowledges their strengths and commitment –remember; they are doing this for you and your (client) children and families.

Follow up.  You show trust and support with families by following up/ following through.  Do the same for your recruitment sources.  Check in now and then; remember them on special days; say thank you.

Sample Written Materials for Your Sources:
In addition to your Family Friendly Brochure, make:

Short (1 page) Information Sheets for your sources – some people call them “cheat sheets”.

Sample headings:
Who qualifies
When children and families can start the program
What families can expect in the program
When families can expect to hear from someone in the program
How to refer
Collaboration contacts

Style:
Use bullets underneath headings, short sentences or phrases.
Don’t use abbreviations (they can vary in meaning from organization to organization).
Use positive words.

The 3S rule applies here too:  keep it short, sweet and simple (hopefully no more than 1 page). You might even want to laminate the page for your sources.

Focus on your program: Read your program’s recruitment materials and talk to the recruitment staff. Think about how their materials and explanations help or hinder you in your work.

Focus on your clients: Now imagine that you are a family wishing to enroll in your program. Imagine that you are attending a recruitment event or speaking to recruitment staff.
How do you feel? (as a parent in that family)
What questions do you want to be answered? (as a parent in that family)

Focus on the community: Imagine that you are an outside consultant, who knows nothing about your program and has been sent in to review your program for compliance. Read the materials and imagine you are observing recruitment as if you are that consultant
What did you learn about the program? (as an outside consultant)
What questions do you have for the staff? (as an outside consultant)

 

To purchase Linda’s book, click HERE for brochure and cost information

 

 

 

For more information or to schedule a program consultation,
click HERE to contact Linda Kimura, the Babies Can’t Wait Lady.


 

Engaging Families: First Contacts

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Excerpted from Linda’s book “Babies Can’t Wait: Relationship-based home visiting”.

In a relationship-based home visiting program, relationships are everything.  Engaging families does not start with your first home visit.  Engagement starts with the first time the family hears about you.

What is the first contact in your program – a brochure in the mail; a hospital nurse or social worker; a public health nurse; a community event; a doctor; a recruitment staff person; an announcement in the paper or on TV?   Engagement starts with that person or contact.
Ask yourself:

  • What do they know about my program?
  • What do they think happens on my home visits?
  • What do they say about my program?
  • Who trained them to recruit families for my program, and
  • What written materials do they have or are they giving out about my program?

Often, agencies have many programs, and there even may be more than one home visiting program in your agency.  The chances are high that the goals and services of your model will not be exactly the same as the other programs.

Tip #1 Written Materials:
Examine closely every bit of existing written material that may possible be given to families to interest them in the program

Form a small committee to redesign, upgrade or enhance the materials to provide family-friendly, non-threatening information

Use current client families as reviewers of written materials

Train your sources on the new material

Take back all of the old written material and destroy it. (yes, I mean it) If you don’t, I guarantee that it will continue to be used, mixed in with the new.

Sample Headings for a Family Friendly Brochure:
What (the program) is
What my home visitor can do for my baby
What my home visitor can do for me
What my family can do in (this program)

Style:
Use bullets, short sentences or phrases, simple language, positive friendly words.
Don’t use abbreviations, bureaucratic language, negative words, commands and rules.
Don’t forget the 3S rule:  keep it short, sweet and simple.

 

To purchase Linda’s book, see HERE for brochure and cost information

 

 

 

For more information or to schedule a program consultation,
contact Linda Kimura, the Babies Can’t Wait Lady.

Cross-Cultural Communication at CHSA

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The BCW Lady announces an upcoming event:
What: “An Introduction to Cross-Cultural Communication”
Who:  Linda Kimura, the Babies Can’t Wait Lady
When: Thursday Feb 2, 2012
Where: California Head Start Association’s Education Conference

It’s a sold-out conference – if you are one of the lucky ones attending the conference, please join me in my 90 minute workshop to learn a little about Hofstede’s Individual and Group Orientations.  Keeping the two orientations in mind can make your life easier as an early childhood professional and ensure that your work with parents and families is respectful and meaningful.

 

 

 

Babies Can’t Wait: Relationship-based Home Visiting

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Home visitation programs have been around for hundreds of years.  As with most strategies, the popularity of such programs has ebbed and flowed over time.   This is a time of significant emphasis on home visiting as a strategy to support very young children and their families through one-on-one strength-based work.  The need for progressive, interactive, learning and practice is clear.  In order to support continuous learning and best practice work, we must look to the programs, and to the workers themselves, for guidance regarding what they need and when they need it.  As a result of providing such support, home visitors will learn and work in conditions under which they personally feel most successful.  With workers providing their best, we can then more effectively begin to measure and evaluate programs and their effectiveness with children and families.

For the next few blogs, I will post material out of my book “Babies Can’t Wait: Relationship-based Home Visiting”. The purpose of my book (and these posts) is to provide programs and staff with practical, concrete information based on best practices in the field of home visitation.   The tips are designed to incorporate current research and experiential discoveries into easy to follow, down-to-earth guidebooks.  Actual home visiting stories are noted to make the tips “real” to workers.

This comes from years of creating and implementing continuous learning programs for home visitors.  The key concept that came out of my work was that home visitors and their supervisors wanted practical, concrete “steps to take” that they could incorporate into next week’s visits.  Programs clearly understood the need to make their workers comfortable in the early stages of their jobs by giving them tips and techniques that they could immediately use.    This does not discount the need for training workers on theory and on dealing with difficult issues; it does however, speak to prioritizing training based on the interests, needs and concerns of programs and their staff.

Over the years, I have continued working and training in the field of home visitation services.  After being a parent in Head Start (and in fact because of Head Start), I returned to college, earning a B.A. in Early Childhood Development and an M.A. in Human Development.   I have been a home visitor, coordinator, supervisor, director and trainer.  I have taken advantage of whatever home visitation training was available.  And I have created and implemented trainings, curricula and models.  As a result, I believe that the full potential of home visitation programs for children and families has not yet been realized.  However, I believe we can say that there are certain best practices that are more successful than others in working with parents and children in their own homes.     The 25 tips I will talk about on this blog are designed as practical, concrete tips that you can put into place as you begin home visiting.  They are based on generally considered best practices in the field, translated into my practical, concrete applications.   I hope you learn from them, and enjoy putting them into practice.

I hope (and believe!) that this approach will be helpful to you as you begin home visiting – whether this is your first year, or your 15th year.  I strongly believe that, if you have the tools and the confidence, you will continue to grow and practice over time.

Warmly, Linda Kimura, the Babies Can’t Wait Lady

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Christmas (Eve) is Coming

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In our family, like many others, we have several family groups to consider during holidays. Marriages and divorces make it complicated for everyone to be together. Young parents are often divided about which side of the family to be with on which day. Reminds me of the old adage: “A son is a son till he takes him a wife – a daughter’s a daughter the whole of her life.”

We don’t often get Christmas day with the grandchildren. So this year, we will host a Christmas Eve dinner and the grandchildren will open their presents from us then. After all, what fun is it to buy presents if you don’t get to see their faces as they open them?

So what to do on Christmas Eve?  We have a tradition with the grandchildren.  (We actually didn’t realize it was a tradition until the 9 yr old described it as such. ) We create a Treasure Hunt for children’s presents.  We hide clues around the house and the last clue leads to a present.  It’s a little thing, but it’s important to them (and it’s fun!)

Now I’m thinking about Christmas Eve food traditions. I think it’s important to not replicate what families will have for dinner on Christmas day so no turkey or ham. Traditionally, I would serve oyster stew – but very few folks coming for dinner this year would eat it so I have to find something else.

I think Comfort Food – maybe a hamburger casserole – maybe old fashioned dishes like green beans with mushroom soup and french fried onions, and Jiffy corn casserole. Maybe decorated Christmas Cookies if I get ambitious…but not traditional fruitcake (see cartoon above)

Whatever I decide, whatever we eat, the joy will be in the getting together, in the shared experience.  It’s not the actual date, it’s what you make of it.  After all, when was Jesus really born?  Many scholars think it was in April, not December. So I say enjoy the season and whatever dates it works for you!

I am Thankful

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I’ve noticed a lot of folks listing one thankfulness each day this Thanksgiving holiday season.  It’s a great idea – I just didn’t get around to it until now! So I’ll list a few “thankfuls” all together and see what comes up for me:

T is for TEACHERS – Especially those who taught me including my mother and aunts, and my school teachers.

H is for HOME – Just being home with my husband John is my most treasured time. I’m thankful for every day we have together at home.

A is for AMIDA BUDDHA. Namu Amida Butsu. (trust in the person and work of Amida Buddha)

N is for NEW EXPERIENCES – When I review my life so far, I am amazed at all the new experiences I faced.  From wonderful to not-so-much, I learn from all.

K is for KINDNESS – I appreciate the kindness of friends and colleagues and strangers. When I travel, I rely on the kindness of travel industry folks to get me there – and program staff to make sure I am ready to train and consult. Thank you to all of them!

S is for SACRAMENTO – It’s where I met my husband. ‘Nuff said.

G is for GRANDCHILDREN – From 8 months to 18 years, they’re a joy and a surprise every time we are with any of them. (I am also thankful for their parents -our children – but I didn’t have a “C” to work with in the word “Thanksgiving”.)

I is for INFANT/TODDLER DEVELOPMENT: I’m thankful for the chance to work in such a fast-moving and often-changing field – I love each day of this work.

V is for VACATIONS – I am thankful for mini vacations we take because they give us chances to relax. We worked hard for them -and I appreciate them.

I is for IPADS, IPHONES, IPODS - in other words, for cutting edge technology. (at least it seems cutting edge to me) I am truly thankful for the difference technology has made in my work life – shorter hours due to less searching for information, more advanced trainings, and more informed consultations.

N is for NAIL POLISH – Especially on my toes!  What a treat pedicures are, and how great they make my plain old toes look!

G is for GOOD WEATHER – Whether it’s the sunshine of our home in California, or the hot, hot sunshine of Arizona, or even the cool and wet breeziness of my home state of Washington, I appreciate weather that allows one to enjoy the changes.

What about you – what makes you thankful?
Happy Thanksgiving from Linda, the Babies Can’t Wait Lady